Doris Lessing Is My Close Personal Friend

At least, she will be, as soon as she adds me on myspace, which I'm sure she will like any second now. Probably this will be a big day for her, winning the Nobel Prize for Literature and all, but as soon as she's done with whatever phone calls she has to make, she'll be logging on to see how many people congratulated her with sparkly graphics: U WON! NOBEL HEARTS!

Doris Lessing is 87 years old and famously a postfeminist. Find out more here.

Oh NO. Someone named Poppy, with a red face, eye sacks, and one of those long arm self portrait profile pictures is the first to comment on her winning! Phooey! Yes, Poppy, winning the Nobel Prize is "quite a happy moment" indeed. But Doris doesn't really appreciate people clotting up her comment box with stuff that doesn't sparkle, yo. Damn, Poppy is also friends with Jean Cocteau.

What kind of cyberbling is appropriate for a Nobel Laureate? This?

Or this?

Hmm. That one could give an octagenarian Nobel Laureate a headache. There is no "Nobel Prize Winners" category for Care Bear graphics on 123glitter.com. Beware visiting those sites, by the way. They're likely to show you modestly clad women, shot from above, holding up cell phones.

How about this?

I deeply recommend jellymuffin.com for generating sparkling headlines to congratulate Doris Lessing on her myspace. I'm sure she will appreciate it!